accepting death.

On the 10th of April 2010, 4 disciplined, amazing young gentlemen died in a fatal car crash. They taught Paavaan Taekwando.One of them- Sir Ahmed (as he is referred to) has been
one of Paavaan's weekly coach for the last year & a half.

LIFE.
It's so fleeting...
It passes you by in a heartbeat.
You miss that moment and it's gone. Forever.

For all the 'thank you's', 'I'm sorry', ' I love you's', that were never uttered in false hope that it would eventually find its way to the intended person. Somehow...
As if it could be magically whispered into the ear and heard...

Death. We seem to think that by ignoring it, it will slowly melt away, into the horizon...
But it comes to us all- eventually.

Instead of behaving like egoistical morons, it's probably time for us to look upon our mortality with a pinch of salt- to respect all, to forgive, to love & to simply 'LIVE'.

You could walk out your house tomorrow and never return...
Never having said 'I love you'... 'Thank you'... 'Goodbye'...'I'm sorry'...

For we seldom get second chances, especially in death.

getting into the Christmas mood!!!

It's Christmas eve and I'm at home, reading.

It seems sooo long ago when we (my friends & I ) used to plan out our X'mas eve escapade a month ahead! Yup, those were the days when we used to plan the entire night out, book tables in advance and so forth...

Now, all I hear is 'I'm workin or I'm exhausted la or why don't we just chill at home instead'.

What a contrast huh...

I have to admit that I kinda like the peace and quiet... So here I am, on my beautifully lit-up bed, typing away, on what I should be doing tonight in oppose to what I'd be rather doing tonite instead...

Merry Christmas everyone... :)

p/s: Nothing say's it better than Calvin & Hobbes's 'Christmas Eve Poem'...

losing your cool & then hastily getting it back!

well... I lost my cool today. And it wasn't COOL! At all!

Lost it with Paavaan. I think I could have handled it better.
Considering the fact that I'm THE ADULT! And he's the 9 year old.

I owe him an apology. A big, huge one. And a Barney hug too.

OK..I think I owe him a whole lot more that that...
A big scoop of gelato after his morning football practise would do the trick, I hope...

Keeping my fingers crossed now...

ditching em' hypocrites!!!

its been a while...

A long time since I had wanted to write anything here...
It consisted of memories i wanted to knock out of my head... of people i no longer hold any respect for.

All in good faith for myself.

Well, truth be told- im happy now. Far more happier than I have been in a long time.

And I felt an intense need to put it to paper...or in this case, my blog...

I'm saying goodbye to those who hurt others just to stay on top of the game, at any cost.
And to those who pretend to like everything & everyone when they don't...
Damn em' hypocrites...

I wish em' all the best...

saying auf wiedersehen to old habits...

Today is DAY 94 since I had a fag. After 10 long years of spending only-god-knows-how-much on ciggies everyday, I had finally kicked the habit.

Nope, I did not try those Nicotine patches and it sure wasn't the gum either. Actually... I had quit 'cold turkey'.

After 2 failed attempts on quitting and countless number of days (& not to mention nights) where my mum and friends had tried to psychologize me into believing that it really is bad for you, my 9 year old son, Paavaan was the one who had hit home with his inquisitive question and comment on smoking.

"Mum" he said, " Smoking is bad. People die from smoking". "Yes, people sure do" I said.
Then he asked, looking sad " So, you're gonna die soon from smoking, huh?"

I guess that did it for me. I had nothing to say.
Truth be told, I didn't know what to say to my 9 year old.
I was flabbergasted.

You see, I'm a single parent. A friend of mine had once pointed out to me that I'm both his father and his mother. And its true.

My son's conclusion on my life span kept echoing in my head. I felt like a knife was being pushed deep into my chest. It was awful. It was painful.

I wanted to, or rather, I needed to be around long enough to watch him leave high school, graduate from some over- priced uni, fall in and out of love, get his car license & his bike license, climb mountains, experience the joy that comes from winning swimming competitions & the sadness that comes from losing it, feel the wind on his face and live his life...

Sure, we all die some day. But I would have brought this upon myself no matter how I try to justify its validity, its need.

I'm proud to say that I no longer find a need to smoke my Dunhill reds & relish in its calming effect.

Now, I run instead.

loving & then losing...

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message 'He Is Dead',
Put crêpe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last for ever: I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood.
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

~ W.H.Auden

facing up to Murphy's Law every once in a while!

"Whatever can go wrong will go wrong, and at the worst possible time, in the worst possible way."

Talk about Murphy's Law at its worst! Yesterday was awful! Everything that could go wrong, did! The only thing missing was rain. All I needed was to get soaked in the rain! Then it would have been perfect!

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